Driving and Coffee

So I'm on a road trip, out to visit my sister in Iowa. It's about a 9.5 hour drive...which meant, even though I was splitting it roughly in half I would need some coffee.

I took the classic prepare-but-still-plan-to-forage approach: I brought coffee with me at the start (Good old Extra Large Dunkin Donuts with cream&sugar) and planned to hit up gas station coffee along the way.

This plan worked out pretty well. The whole trick was (and is, on a long drive) to pace oneself. Near-constant sipping will keep a steady flow of caffeine into your system, giving you maximum use of the coffee as well as preventing you from running out of the juices of life too quickly.

I found an interesting item on one of my stops for coffee... I think it was at a BP just inside Illinois... it was something to the effect of an Extreme Cappuccino. See, it came out of the machine, but it claimed to have triple the caffeine and triple the flavor...hmmm...had to try it.

It definitely did make me a little jittery, and it did have a way-too-intense vanilla flavor, which had a funky after taste. BUT it was sweet, and kept me from dozing on the last leg of my trip. Not something I'd recommend if you had any other options...but...not bad if you want a break from the over-cooked standard brew coffee.

Tune in next week for my review of the Mean Bean Caffeine Lounge in Delaware, Ohio!

Vending Machine Coffee

I once spent a year in a long distance relationship. And I'm not talking about, an hour's drive away. That's not distance. If you can't make an hour or two work, you're just not that interested (or they don't kiss well...either way...).

By long distance, I mean I spent 12-14 hours driving anytime I wanted to see this girl. And yes, it was worth it each time.

And of course, I would pack my snacks (or have money to stop with). I'd buy a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee before setting out. Once I even had a thermos filled up by those helpful guys. But eventually, the coffee you started with is going to run out; if you finish a 13 hour drive with the same cup of coffee you started with, there's a serious problem.

Now the problem I had, because I never finished with the same cup of coffee. Look at my typical route:



I travel through a whole lot of NOTHING in Indiana, then hit Chicago, then a whole lot of NOTHING in N. Illinois and Wisconsin. I mean, seriously. It amazes me that there can be so little, for so long at a time. Especially in Wisconsin. I mean, nothing but trees.

So where can I stop for some decent coffee? Maybe Chicago...but really, have you ever tried to drive through Chicago? No? If you ever do, you'll understand that once you're in the flow of traffic...you won't want to ever leave it. There's no excuse for ever pulling off the highway (assuming the traffic lets you get off the road in the first place). You'll have to merge back on...and...um. Damn. Suffice it to say it's not worth stopping in Chicagoland for coffee.

This leaves me with really just one option: Rest stop vending machines.

The trick with vending machines is to not take the standard coffee. It'll have caffeine, but taste absolutely AWFUL. I mean, gross. I mean, you'll never touch coffee again after drinking plain coffee from a vending machine. Especially if it's one in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin that gets a visit once every two weeks for a fresh-up.

So what's that leave you with? The flavored stuff. French vanilla. English toffee. I once had a memorable experience with a "Butterfinger" flavored coffee drink. They cost a bit more, but are totally worth it. You get the caffeine, but none of the truly gross flavor.

That's my official advice, the path I take whenever I'm faced with a vending machine-or-nothing situation. You're welcome to it.

Instant Coffee

It's time to discuss instant coffee...specifically, the acceptable and the will-get-you-beaten.

And just a tip here: if someone's choice in coffee offends you to the point of violence...just go get something you like better. Someone brings you a cup that's just...awful? So what? Have them hold down the fort while you go get something better. They have some awful instant coffee in their cupboard? Don't beat them; buy them some Clasico.

Since we're on the subject, Clasico is really the only kind of instant I'll consider. Remember that camping trip I took a few weeks back? I'm totally capable of using a percolator over a stove or fire, but it's kind of a pain. So I went looking for a package of instant. And not just ANY instant. The Nescafe Clasico.

This stuff is great. I'd had instant a few times before meeting Clasico, and it was...lacklustre, to say the least. Weak and bitter, no matter what I did to it. I swore off instant for several years.

Enter Juan. I used to work at an international fast food chain, and while there I met an incredible guy named Juan. I could write a whole blog about how great Juan is/was, but since this isn't the Juan-Blog I'll limit the discussion to his contribution to my coffee repetoire.

It was Sunday morning, just before open. The work was pretty much finished, and I was thinking about unlocking the doors early for the hell of it. Juan was smarter than I: he was making some coffee that smelled amazing. I followed my nose to see him mixing up some instant coffee.

"Juan! Instant? No bueno, amigo." I started to turn away.

"Oh no, Jone-a-tan. Es MUY bueno. Here," and he offered me the cup, already mixed up con leche style the way I like it (that is, a lil coffee with the milk and sugar). Before I could protest, he was mixing another cup for himself.

So I drank it. And swore that first thing after my shift, I was going to buy me some Nescafe Clasico, even if I had to travel to Jungle Jim's to get it. Joe came in not long after this, and also took a free sample...and immediately asked Juan for another cup.

Juan's a good guy, and gave Joe the second cup. Like I said, Juan is amazing.

Long story shorter than it could be? If you need instant (and yes, there are situations that call for it) coffee, make sure you have some Clasico on your shelf. It's freeze dried...so...it'll keep. Long as you need it too, I reckon.